Around this time of year (Christmas), everyone is either a) spending every dime they can on items they’ll soon forget about or b) looking at the money that’s sitting in their bank account wishing it would grow.

It’s very rare that people are somewhere in the middle.

Seeing as how money is one of the top 2 reasons people divorce (sex being the other), it’s imperative that you begin healing your money demons now. Trust me, even if you only end up living with your guy, this “money thing” is a HUGE element in a relationship. Unless, of course, you get it handled now.

There are two basic money personalities that women posses: the whore and the nun. Let’s take a look at them closely and see how we can get both of them under semi-control.

The Money Whore Personality

The Money Whore personality likes to spend.  She thinks savings, investments, and a “rainy day” fund is only for boring people. The Money Whore loves to have fun. She lives for it.

She’s ok with spending $1,000 on a new dress because it makes her feel sexy and she’s totally ok with buying everyone drinks at the bar when she goes out. She’s ok with loaning money to people who need it, but she doesn’t do it too often because by the time people ask her, she has none to give.

She’s frequently late with paying her bills and is ok with maxing out her credit cards. Remember, she just wants to have fun. She believes everyone should live a little.

The Money Nun Personality

The Nun Personality likes to save. She frets if her bank account goes below a certain number. She’d rather raid the sales rack or Goodwill than buy anything new or at full price. She believes that once she is over the age of 59 ½ she can enjoy her money the way it was intended.

She’s ok with donating money, however it’s usually so small and so infrequent that she may as well not bother. She doesn’t go out, doesn’t travel, and thinks anything above $50 is too expensive.

She’s always on time with her bills, in fact, she usually pays them early. She has no credit cards. She also rarely has fun. She believes everyone should save for the future.

Why They Fight

The Money Whore and Money Nun (from now on abbreviated as MW and MN) fight because they have opposing goals. The MW wants to enjoy her life to the fullest. Her motto is you only live once. The MN wants to save as much as possible. Her motto is prepare for the future.

When the MW gets her way, the fun that you feel during her spending spree is HIGH. But when it’s all over and your bank account balance says $0.65 and pay day is 2 weeks away, you feel like crap.

When the MN gets her way, you feel responsible and like you’re “on top of things”. But when you see yourself wearing the same clothes year after year or never being able to “afford” a decent vacation, you begin to feel like crap.

How to Whip Them Both Into Shape

Let’s be real, you gotta have savings. It may not be the Suze Orman recommended 6-8 month stash, but you gotta have something. It keeps you from freaking out when your car breaks down or when you receive an unexpected bill.

I suggest:

• Find a way to save at least 10% of your monthly gross income. If you can’t do 10%, do 5%. Do what you can to contribute to your own personal savings
•  Have it automatically deducted from your account every month. Most financial institutions have a way for you to schedule transfers. Schedule yours and be done with it.

And ta-daaaa. You’ve just successfully told your MN to shut her pie hole. She can’t call you irresponsible because, well, you’re being VERY responsible by saving a portion of your salary every month.

You need to have fun every month, too. Every day preferably. Having fun doesn’t have to cost money, though frequently, it does. You have to allow yourself some “fun money” so that you won’t hate yourself or teach a man that he can get away with not buying your gifts or taking you out on the town.

I suggest:

• Have a specific card you use for fun every month. It could be a separate checking account or it could be a credit card with a very low credit limit.
• Set a designated amount per month that you would like to spend. If you want, you can set it to be the same amount as your savings.
• Make a vow to spend all of that money every month. Do things that make you happy!
• If you’re using a credit card, set up automatic payments so that every month the balance is being paid in full.

And ta-daaaaa. You’ve just successfully told your MW to shut her pie hole. She can’t belittle you and say “you’re no fun!” She won’t feel deprived because she still gets to spend her money any way she wants.

Win-Win.

If you’d like more ways on how I can help you unsingle yourself, you can check out my consult services. In the Unsingle Consult, you’ll get 3 actionable steps you can take today to find the man of your dreams. Click here to learn more.

I was brought to my knees. Two years ago, I lost 2 friends with whom I was extremely close. No they didn’t die. But they jabbed a knife so far into my back, that I felt like I’d died. To add insult to injury, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me through an email on Facebook citing “we’re just too different.”

All of this happened within 48 hours after New Years. I was devastated. Broken. Torn to pieces. Shell-shocked from the pain. To lose one friend, ok, I can survive that, but two? Back to back? And to lose my man on top of that? Damn, can a sista get a break?!

Hands down, it was the worst way to start a new year. But I got through it. I took prayer, lots of tissue, and a lot of self-reflection.

A few weeks later, both friends contacted me. I gave them a big “F-Off” speech. Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice? Girl, please!

Shortly after that, Mr. Break-Up-Via-Facebook called and emailed. I blocked his number and added his email to my Spam folder.

I was done.  I had officially decided that I didn’t have to entertain trash.

You see for weeks, I had beaten myself up over the events that took place. I felt “blindsided” and “hoodwinked”. I truly didn’t see it coming. If I looked back at my experiences with all three of them, I would notice that  I knew what they were capable of all along.

I chose to ignore it.

I wanted to be nice.

I wanted to be understanding.

I didn’t want to be viewed as the judgmental woman who never gave anyone a chance.

Last but not least, I wanted to be nice. (did I say that already?:)

And nice landed me on my knees, crying to God, and asking him “Why is this happening to me?? I’m such a good person…”

And I while I was crying one night, I heard my intution say “So then, from here on out, be good to yourself first.”

It took a little while before I truly saw how I put others before my own needs.  Not necessarily in big ways, but in small ways.

How I would answer a phone call from a friend who gabs a lot right before Zumba class, which sometimes resulted in me missing some, if not all, of the class.

How I let people use their low self-esteemed snide comments to tear down my high confidence down. (“Can you please tone it down,” they’d ask.)

How I let other people’s preferences overpower my own.

Seeing how I minimized myself to accommodate other people in little ways resulted in me being betrayed in a big way.

The same is true for your relationship.

• When you drop everything for him…
• When your entire existence is based on him…
• When you sit and wait for a phone call for him…
• When you do things you’re not necessarily ok with…

…you’re giving up more of yourself than is required for a happy, healthy relationship.

And when that happens, you leave yourself vulnerable for a whole slew of things: mistreatment, lack of attention or affection, criticism, abandonment, betrayal, etc.

You see, marriage doesn’t change your relationship, it simply magnifies what’s already there. And if you spent your entire relationship catering to him and diminishing your needs, you’re setting your marriage up for failure.  As in divorce.

Before you even think of saying “I Do”, take a moment to ask yourself “Whose got my back?” More importantly, when the chips are down, and things get rocky, do you have your own back?

Will you stand up for yourself? Even in small ways?

Will you walk away if something doesn’t work or will you mold yourself into what someone else wants you to be?

What’s your “second-chance” limit? (Let’s be real…sometimes we give people MORE than 2 chances to prove they’re worthy of being in our lives. So…what’s your limit?)

What are you willing to say “No” to and mean it?

What are you unwilling to do to keep your relationship? (I know you’ll do whatever it takes to keep it, but what are you not going to do in any way, shape, or form?)

At the end of the day, whether you marry or not, you’ve gotta learn the fine art of having your own back. Sure, you may think that people will have it for you, (and some will) but in the end, if you can’t count on yourself 100% to get through the good and the bad of life and love, you’re setting your marriage up for a HUGE failure.

I talk about this and more in the Happily Ever After Consult service. I’ve helped soon-to-be brides get clear on their own personal goals and how to express those goals to their future husbands. If communication with the opposite sex is not your strong suit, then check out this consult service. Get it by clicking here. 

A wedding day is the most important day of a woman’s life. Or so every wedding vendor will tell a gushing bride as they ask her for more money. I know women who have been planning their wedding since they were 5 years old. They have collages, numerous wedding books, and a vivid picture of how the day should go from beginning to end.

If you’re an avid reader of B.Y.M., you know that I don’t gush about weddings. I talk about the marriage.

You know I give a two shits about you planning your wedding. I care about you planning for your marriage.

Because after the vows are exchanged, the garter is thrown, and the honeymoon is taken, you’re stuck with the man you’ve chosen. You have to think in terms of two and not one. If you want to stay late at work, it has to be discussed first because that could throw off his schedule as well.

If you want to quit your job and move to Asia, you have to discuss it with him to see if that would work for him.

If you want to simply have alone time to walk around your house naked, you’ll have to tell him to go somewhere else. And if he has nowhere to go, then you’ll have to ask him to go into a man-cave or take a hike for a few hours.

You’ll have to deal with his farts, his laundry being dumped on the floor, his faulty memory, and his inability to drink juice out of a glass.

Yes, there are definitely good things too. You can bounce ideas off of him, you can get him to lift heavy things, you can have sex anytime you want (I didn’t say you will, I said you can), and you can curl up and watch TV together after a long hard day’s work.

The wedding day is not the most important day of a woman’s life. It’s important, yes. It’s a fantastic day, yes. It deserves praise, yes. But your life doesn’t end there. More importantly, it doesn’t begin there either.

You see, before you are a bride, you need to find you. Uh-huh…you. Because any newly wed will tell you that there will come a time when the honeymoon is over and you’ll look at your man and think “Oh my God! What have I done?!”

To make sure you don’t have that kind of regret, I’m writing an 8-part post called The 8 Essential Tools You Should Possess Before You Marry.

For the next eight weeks, I will publish a post that will show you how to get ready to be not only a kick-ass bride and wife, but a kick-ass woman. The series will unfold as follows:

1. Have Your Own Back

2. Heal Your Money Whore/Nun Personalities

3. Forgive, Forget, and Chunk the Duece to the Past

4. No You’re Not Perfect, But Love Yourself Anyway

5. Remember What it Feels Like to be a Princess

6. Find Your Purpose (trust me…you’re not meant to ONLY get married)

7. Define Your Life’s Vision

8. Become Miss Right

I’ve compiled these list of tools from listening to countless tales of regret from newly wedded wives. They waited their whole lives for this one moment to feel like they mattered and that someone wanted them and now…well…they’re ready for something more.

I don’t want you to end up like that. So join me on this magical 8 week journey into the world of you.

P.S. Do me a fave and ReTweet this post.

P.P.S. First post begins this week.

We all want to avoid this, but, in life, rejection is inevitable. Even uber hot celebrities like Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie get dumped. There’s just no way around it.

The way to minimize its sting is by changing your mindset.

Believe your whole life is over because they guy didn’t call you after the first date and…your life will be over. But if you think like Jay-Z and say “On to the next one…”, you’ll increase your chances of finding that guy that will make you kiss dating goodbye.

Don’t take rejection personally

When a guy says “Sorry, I don’t want to be with you,” or “Umm…suuuure, I’ll date you,” (and then proceeds to only call you when he wants sex), don’t take it personally. Look at it this way…

Let’s say you have a line of 20 men in front of you. Your Mr. Right is #20. If the first 19 guys reject you, would you care?

Hell naw!

In fact, if you knew that all you had to do to get Mr. Right was date 19 more guys, you’d be the first one lining them up, going on the date, and then shouting “Next!” after each date. Why would you do this? Because you would know that Mr. Right was just around the corner. You’d be able to exhale because your search would be over.

So don’t take rejection personally. It ain’t personal. He wanted someone else…great! That simply means you’re one guy closer to getting your guy.

Don’t be afraid to dish it out either. Just say “Hey, the date was great, but I don’t think we connect..”

Don’t be afraid to “NEXT!” a guy that’s incompatible with you. Why steal him away from the woman that’s waiting on him?????

I share more tips in my 10 Day Love Magnet Challenge. This challenge not only shows you how to stop attracting men from your past, but it also shows you how to get more dates quickly. Click here to learn more.

You know you shouldn’t do it but you don’t know how to stop. You’re not sure if you’d be heard if you didn’t constantly remind him about what he said he’d do, but yet again, hasn’t. Somehow, your nags turns into demands that end up seem more bossy than loving.

Nagging and demanding is akin to a skateboarding on a slippery slope. You think you can control it or if you can’t, you can at least just skateboard down a little ways, ya know, before it gets too dangerous.

Except…well, you don’t skateboard just a little ways down. You end being unable to control yourself. Before you know it, you’re crashing into a tree, crying your eyes out, and beside yourself with frustrations. Doesn’t he know that if he just did what you asked, everything would be perfect?!

What you need, my dear lady friend, is to turn your nags into a request.

How a Nag & Request Differ

A nag is a constant repetition of how he’s making you unhappy. (from his perspective, that’s what it sounds like) The tone of a nag can go from whiny to demanding in a matter of seconds. Afterwards you feel icky. You know there’s gotta be a better way, but you’re unsure about what that way is.

According to the dictionary, a request is something that is politely asked for. Keyword there is politely. There’s no such thing as a polite demand or a polite nag.  I would like to add that a request also has an element of trust. Trust that he will actually carry out your request. Now, let’s take your nags (or demands) into requests.

3 Ways to Turn Your Nags Into Requests

1. Acknowledge

Before you say what you want, acknowledge what he’s already giving. It lets him know that you’ve recognized what he’s already giving you and it makes him more open to hearing out your current desire.

2. Make it Concrete

Don’t flood him with all the things you need done and don’t complain about all the things that he’s forgotten to do either. Give him ONE concrete thing he can do to make you happy. Example, instead of “Why haven’t you taken the garbage out?” or “I’m so tired of doing everything around here!” try saying “Hey thanks for putting that smelly lettuce in the garbage. Do me a quick fave and throw the garbage out so the whole house doesn’t stink.” Or “It would be a huge help for me if you picked up the kids today so that I can have an hour to myself today.”

3. Should-ing isn’t allowed

Tell him what you want, but don’t tell him how it should be executed. If you really want him to cook for you, don’t tell him he should do it the way you want. All that’s gonna lead to is him saying “Well, if you want it done your way, why don’t you do it then.” Women get into trouble with this when it comes to how he washes dishes to how he folds laundry to how he cleans the bathroom. If you ridicule him for it, you’ll be stuck with it forever and ever, Amen.

Now if he asks how you want something done, that’s a different story. But some men don’t ask for directions even if they’re 100 miles off course so…just be prepared that he may not ask.

I’m giving lotsa communication tips in my new book Why Did He Do That? 20 Common Male Phrases & Behaviors Decoded. 

P.S. Save $20 until Saturday! Click here to see what I’m talking about.

Consider this an addition to the other weird male behaviors I’ve talked about already. You can find them here and here.

Now on to examine 3 behaviors that makes no sense upon first glance.

Doesn’t Call When He Says He Will

This is one of those heat-of-the-moment things. When he said it, he probably really intended to call you. But….things happened and he forgot. The problem isn’t that he didn’t call when he said he would, the real problem is…did he call at all? If he said he’d call at 6 and didn’t call until 7, I’d say no biggie. But, if he didn’t call or has a habit of calling after you’ve gone to bed, then he’s showing you that you’re not important to him.

So…should stay with him or walk away? It’s up to you.

He’s Stalling On Taking the Relationship to the Next Level

This is tricky. This is one of those time frame things. If you’re less than 6 months into the relationship, I say slow it down girlie. Men move at a slower pace than women, so slow down your pace.

If it’s between 6 months to a year (God forbid it’s been OVER a year), it’s time to lay down the law. I give the exact phrases you need to say in the Why Did He Do That ebook, so make sure you check it out by going here.

He Convinces You to Have Sex too Early, Then “Punishes” You for It

We’ve all experienced this. A guy we really like, where the chemistry is so high you swear you did some hardcore drugs, we forget to say no as he grabs our breasts. So high that we…well give it up on the first or second date. Then he goes Casper on you! It feels like he’s punishing you for doing what he wanted.

It’s frustrating, right? Let’s take a little bit of a deeper look into this.
Have you ever lost weight before? Not like 5 pounds, but like 20-50 pounds? It’s fucking hard as hell. You develop a program that works for you and your lifestyle. And even when you don’t see results immediately, you keep at it because you know that eventually, those pounds will frickin’ drop.

Once that glorious day has come—you can fit into those skinny jeans or skimpy dress—you make staying thin a priority. Happy hour? Nah, not tonight, gotta go to Zumba. Got a long day at the office? You plan in advance whether you’re going to get up early and workout or if you’re going to tough it out and watch every morsel that goes into your mouth.

You wouldn’t pay attention to these things if all you had to do was take a pill and BAM the weight was gone. In fact, you’d go on a full out eating frenzy every other day because you would know that all you needed to lose your weight was a take a pill. You wouldn’t work out and you’d probably forget to eat your fruits and veggies. You’d be thinner sure, but your health would suck ass so there would be no real long term value in it.

He’s Really Testing Your Standards, Not How Good You Give a B.J.

A woman’s journey of successfully losing weight and maintaining it is how a man views sex. Sure, he wants sex and if he doesn’t really have to invest himself to get it, he’ll take it. But he won’t value it. It’s not really personal. He just likes to work for it a little bit. He may try his damndest to convince you to do it early, but what he’s really testing are your standards.

He wants you to say no. He wants to feel special. He wants to feel like he beat out hordes of guys to be the special one to get in between your thighs. Once he’s worked to get it, he’ll bend over backwards to keep it so that no one else can have it.

Got it?

P.S. I’m  give exact ways to handle these 3 behaviors in my book Why Did He Do That? 20 Common Male Behaviors & Phrases Decoded. 

Sometimes in relationships, you know when something’s wrong, you just can’t seem to put your finger on what it is. Things aren’t necessarily awful, but there’s something that’s making you uneasy.

Friends tell you to stop tripping because everything seems perfect on the outside. You tell yourself that you’re just being paranoid and you should just be happy. At least he’s better than your ex.

Sadly, none of this works.

You don’t want to leave your relationship based on your feelings alone. You want some proof. You want some solid evidence that you really should just give up.

But how do you do that? How can you do that without knowing whether or not you’ve made the right choice? What if all of your uneasiness is simply you being paranoid or bringing old baggage into your new relationship? How do you know what you’re seeing isn’t a red flag telling you to grab your purse and run?

That’s why I created…

In this program you will discover:

• Simple techniques that will dissolve your old relationship baggage in an instant
• Your 3 unique Must-Haves that other relationship & self-help books never mention
• How to alleviate your uneasiness and make your decision quicker
• Simple strategies to brush away those thoughts that you’re going to  miss out on something if you make the wrong choice
• The key “W” word that will make him give you exactly what you want over and over
• Plus a whole lot more!

Click here to learn more.

Sometimes it’s hard to determine what to do on your own. Getting advice from your friends doesn’t always work because they don’t see your relationship from your point of view.  

Even if you did have evidence to back you up, would you have the confidence to take the next step? Would you have the balls to tell him exactly how you feel in a way that he understands? Could you do it without starting an argument or getting manipulated into making a different decision?

This program offers you all of that and more.

Find out more here.

“In any relationship, you’re going to get only about 80% of what you want.” ~Why Did I Get Married? movie

When it comes to hearing “I love him but…” statements, they usually fall into 3 categories: physical, behavioral, values. As you know, physical is all about appearance, behavioral is how someone acts in public or private, and values are the reasons why people do what they do.

What I’ve found is that a lot of times when women are deciding whether or not a man is good enough for them, they’re thinking about physical and behavioral qualities. More importantly, they’re thinking about what they feel they’re missing out on in those departments.

Physical Traits

• Six pack abs
• Nice tan
• Straight teeth
• Designer Labeled Clothing
• Luxury Car
• Big House
• Highly Respected Profession

Behavioral

• Speaks well
• Doesn’t drink
• Goes to church
• Keeps his word
• Motivated to succeed
• Doesn’t smoke
• Opens doors and pulls out chairs for you

Most of the time when a woman is asked to describe her perfect man, you’ll get physical or behavioral traits. (I’ve certainly had my own physical trait list in the past, so don’t think I’m judging.) Using physical or behavioral qualities exclusively to determine whether you should stay or go, is somewhat short-sighted.

Let me explain.

A man with a luxury car or nice abs is hella nice, right? But if he has a luxury car and his apartment has no furniture other than the air mattress he took from his parents’ home when he moved out 5 years ago, it ain’t quite as sexy is it? I mean…how much time do you really plan on being in his luxury car anyway?

Furthermore, if he has nice abs, did he get it as a result of steroids or some other supplement? Is it difficult to cook for him because he’s so meticulous about what goes in his belly? Not so sexy anymore, eh? Besides, I mean how often do you plan on simply staring at his abs anyway?

My point? (Skimmers this is the part you really need to read!)

When you find yourself at a crossroads of “I love him but…” besides asking the questions from part 1, you also need to ask yourself if you’re getting 80% of what you value in people and relationships.

In other words…

Does he value helping others who are less fortunate? Does he value his family? Does he value spirituality? Does he value his health? Does he value women in general? Does he value money? Time? Work? Commitments? Honesty? Differing opinions?

When you decide to commit to someone, you’re saying to the world that you agree with MOST of that person’s values. Values matter more than whether he drives a fancy car or not. Sure, you may prefer, that he have one, but if he’s busy working 20 hour days to keep it, is it worth having?

Before you make a decision that you may regret, take some time to reflect. Start looking at what he values in life. Usually what he values shows up in his behavior. More importantly, does he value you? In what ways has he shown that?

Yes we all want a sizzling hot man that we can show off to our friends and yes we all want a man that’s earning a gazillion dollars. However, if he’s cute to you, has values that matter to you, and treats you like the queen you are, perhaps you should stop looking around the corner for something better because perfect simply doesn’t exist.

As long as he’s making you happy, you can go ahead and take that “I love him but…” statement and throw it in the trash!

What’re your thoughts?

P.S. If you are being mistreated in any way, don’t even think of staying. Leave.

P.P.S. Do you know what kind of woman you are once in a relationship? I’ve been talking about it here.

“I can’t date him because he doesn’t have a six pack.”

“I can’t continue to be with him because he doesn’t go to church every Sunday & Wednesday.”

“I can’t be with him because he doesn’t have a college degree.”

“I can’t marry him because he’s 2 inches shorter than me.”

We all have them. Reasons why this guy isn’t good enough or “on your level” like you’d prefer. And yet, there’s something about him that is so endearing.

Maybe it’s that he makes you laugh or he listens to you and offers sound advice. Maybe he simply remembers to unload the dishwasher and puts his dirty clothes in the hamper. Maybe he pays the bills on time and makes you a priority in his life.

Whatever it is, you like him (or even love him). But—there’s always a but—you think you can do better. What’s a girl to do? Should you lower your standards and stay with him? Should you walk away and find someone that has those six-pack abs?

Before doing anything, let’s get clear on some things.

• How do you feel when you’re around him?

Do you constantly argue? Does he belittle you? Do you smile and laugh when you’re with him? Can you be yourself (even go without make-up) around him? Can you agree to disagree with him?

How you feel when you’re with him is a HUGE indicator of whether you should leave or stay put. So…what’s the verdict on that?

• Do you have a similar mind-set?

Do you believe in the same things? Does he make fun of your beliefs? Are there some topics that are “off limits” because one or both of you gets irritated?

Notice that in order to answer these questions you need to have been around your guy a few months (not weeks). I believe that instinctively, you should know whether or not you want to move things forward by date three. After the third date, keep asking yourself every other date or so “do I like how he views the world?” or “is his point of view on certain things, complementary to my own?”

• If the sex wasn’t good (or GREAT), would you still want to be with him?

This is a biggie. Since most people don’t listen to the advice of no sex for the first 3 months, try to make it to at least the 4^th date. Sleeping with him too soon clouds your judgment. When you’re sane, you understand that paying for a grown man’s rent is not ok. But…if he’s sexing you right, you may start to think that you were too uptight and that paying for his rent every now and again is perfectly ok.

If you’re in that stage of “I’m not sure about him,” definitely ask yourself this question to clear up your confusion.

• Am I worried that he’s not good enough for me OR am I worried about how other people will look at us?

I suggest asking yourself this question anytime you doubt your relationship. What I’ve found with a lot of women who email me or call me for coaching, is that nine times out of ten, they’re REALLY happy with the guy they’ve chosen. But, their big fear is that friends or family members will make fun of him because he’s short or he talks loud or he’s not as cute as the last guy you showed off or any number of other reasons.

At the end of the day, YOU have to be happy with your choice. To hell with everyone else. If your love ones care about you, they’ll like your guy simply because you like him. Everything else is crap.

I’d like to know, what are some of your fears or questions you had about your guy before you decided to stay put and enjoy him? Leave your answers in the comments below.

P.S. If you’re still unsure about what to do, check out the Stay or Go Program. It helps women get clear about their relationship in 11 minutes. Click here to see it.

“Act like a prize and you’ll make him a believer.” ~Sherry Argov

I’m amazed (sometimes annoyed) at how many women play down their greatness. Whether it’s at work or in their relationships, women have been conditioned to “lay low” or “make nice.” The problem with that is, playing nice usually gets you ran over. And in relationship speak, “laying low” leaves you either in a bad relationship or single and unable to mingle.

What does “laying low” look like?

• Being available for him after he’s mistreated or disrespected you.
• Refusing to voice your own opinion for fear that he’ll leave you.
• Being scared to say “no” and mean it.
• Driving to his place in the middle of the night OR at his convenience.
• Accepting last minute dates.
• Giving up your life once you’re in a relationship.
• Being afraid to banter with him because you’re scared he’ll be turned off.
• Fearing he’ll think you’re difficult if you stick to your guns.
• Giving him more time, effort, & energy while he gives absolutely nothing.
• Doing things you’re uncomfortable with to appease him.

I understand why some women “make nice”: they don’t want to lose their man. However, not wanting to lose someone is a telltale sign that you’ve lost the most important asset of all: yourself.

You are your most important asset. You’re an incredibly valuable person. You’re worth your weight in gold. You’re just simply, awesome.

Yea I know, he’s great and the best man you’ve ever met and yadi yadi ya. But you’re pretty damn wonderful too.

And if you don’t believe that, you’re becoming your biggest enemy.

You see, when Dr. Phil said “you teach people how to treat you,” he was right. Everything that is going on in your relationship (or lack of one) is connected to your view of yourself. If you don’t feel good about you, then NO man, I don’t care how fine or successful or educated he is, can convince you that you’re worthy of love.

So if you’ve found yourself stuck in a relationship that is not supporting you OR every guy you date rejects you, it’s time to take a step back. Look at yourself as a person rather than through the lens of your marital status.

What qualities do you have the make people want to be around you? What nice things have people said about you? What conflict or struggle have you overcome? What kind or courageous acts have you done? What 20 things have you completed today despite the fact that you were sad/mad/depresses/disappointed/crazed-beyond-belief? How have you helped someone recently?  

You’re stronger than you know. You’re more lovable than you know. Without overcompensating, you’re still worthy of the best possible loving relationship. But if you don’t believe it, neither will any man you attract.

True love starts with you, honey.

Thoughts?

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